Okay, so I saw this shrink the other day....

Okay so I saw this shrink the other day, nice girl, very hairy arms though. I don't hold that against her, it's just an observation. Anyway, we were discussing periods of my life where I was more content. Happier. Not suicidal. "Yeah, I remember that," I said. "Take me to that place with you," she replied in that droning patronizing, artificial voice that all psychiatrists seem to possess. "Tell me when and where it was, who were you with? What did you do?"

What a pile of shit I think to myself. I'm depressed. Remembering the happiest days of my life is even more destructive, dwelling on merrier times whilst suddenly realising that, from that point in time, it's been downhill. Those delightful memories, tainted by the fact that any potential you had, any hopes or dreams, have all drifted up to the big grey cloud in the sky along with everyone else's aspirations. one day that cloud is going to burst and the shittiest, rainiest, windiest storm will be upon us.

I didn't tell her that though. Just told her it was my early teens. Young, free, no obligations, pressures, commitments or deadlines. She told me as part of my therapy I should do things I did back then. Feel that happiness and care-free attitude. "Go to that happy place," she crapped out of her mouth. "I can do that, I'll try anything if...if I can just get better," I said in a hushed voice.

However what she didn't know is that i was a bastard when I was that age. A really horrible little swine.

So I stood up, pulled down my pants & pissed all over her desk. "Thanks you smelly, hairy f**ker, I think you've cured me!"

Funny thing is, I think she actually did. I feel great! This is the life. Once I've finished typing this, I'm going out to spray paint obscenities on my old headmaster's car, do a bit of skateboarding and I'll probably leave a bag of shit on someone's doorstep. Oh what bliss!